Gods Rehab~: I AM A SURVIVOR~

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I AM A SURVIVOR~

e reason I started Gods Rehab is to show we are not theTh walking dead

We are survivors. As survivors we keep ourselves in bondage, unable to

Move forward when we refuse to let go of the past. We become shackled

To it; we dredge up those feelings over and over reliving the pain .as

If it were happening this very moment. We live in a state of

Victim hood, affirming that bad things happen to us that are out of our

Control. The simple and freeing truth is that we are in control of how

We feel and what events play out in our lives, and every moment we can

Make a choice to accept that control and realize our empowerment, or

Live as a victim. Have faith in which you are. Believe that you will

Recover and it will truly happen. And don't judge yourself too

Harshly. Some things are meant to be, and you had to fall so that

Later you may rise and become what you are truly meant to be you

Cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from

Happiness~ you cannot change the truth, Sometimes you can only find

Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell~ one new perception one fresh

Thought, One change of heart, one leap of faith~

I want to show people they don’t have to go down the same road I

Did. You could say I took the road that all abused kids do. After abuse

I was left standing confused saying what now? So I went down this road

that is full of other walking dead victims who are just trying to

Survive.it can get scary! Some are just waiting to eat you alive.so I

had to learn fast how to survive myself before I became Road kill!

I didn't get the right help after my abuse.so I had all this hurt and

pain inside just festering .the more I tried to suppress the truth

the more hate was coming out of my mouth and my actions. Then lying

Becomes easier then telling the truth. I wasn't lying about day to day

Stuff .but the truth of my heart. And when you deny the truth to

Yourself you become someone who is dead. The Walking dead!

So how is a person to live when everything is a lie? I learned the

Hard way if you do not expose the truth. The person God made you to be

Will never exist.in my walking dead state my heart wasn't pure of love

And Jesus can’t dwell in you when your heart is hard. Yes I was

Protecting my heart from being hurt again but I was also not letting

Love in and that is just a miserable way to live. I didn't see my

Abuser so out of site out of mind yeah right that was the biggest lie

Ever! The truth of it was I still loved this man sounds crazy I know.

But Was I supposed to just act like he didn't exist anymore? He was my

Father and with that is a whole lot of issues .because of course he

Has a different truth so most of your family is wiped out because they

Are torn.so I just lived like everyone was dead. But the grief was too

Much to bear so that’s when I turned to drinking and partying. And I

did become the lie that my father said I was. Just another rebellious

teenager!

So as I was traveling down this road trying not to be road kill. I was

still getting ran over. But I never gave up the fight. I may have

started out running then walking and finally crawling. But Jesus was

right there with me but I was so stupid if I just had called out and

said JESUS! I’m tired will you carry me? Jesus would have said child

I've been waiting for you. Of course I cried out and prayed and wanted

Jesus to help me but I was not speaking the truth of my soul. my life

was a lie.so Jesus said and you will know the truth, and the truth

will set you free(john8:32).see I was lying to myself that I was fine

and it didn't matter that I didn't have a father and the pain of abuse

wasn't that bad. But to myself I was so devastated. Jesus has shown me

that my abuse is not the true me. The truth of the matter is that I am

his child and I am loved.so I’m telling the truth about what happened

to me .Behold, you desire truth in the inner being: make me therefore

to know wisdom in my innermost heart (psalm).as I clean out my heart

to make room for Jesus. Jesus is filling it back up with so much and joy.as I confess my own sins of my past that I did wrong in my

road kill travels. I came to the fork in the roadkill thinking to

myself it’s time to make a decision .do I stay on this road and become

road kill or get on the path less traveled. That leads me straight to

God.so as it says (JOHN 1:8) if we say we have no sin, we delude and

lead ourselves astray, and the truth is not in us.my life would have

been so much fuller from the get go if I wasn't leading myself.so I’m

taking this road with Jesus and I’m telling the truth and it’s an

amazing road!!!

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MY TRUTH...

I am a daughter, sister, wife and mother. When I was young, I dreamed of becoming a dancer. I was passionate, loving and full of life. But you would never believe that I was also a broken -down, self-loathing destructive girl. I hated God and the world. I did drugs, drank and had a baby at 18. You ask how you can be born with so much purpose, then become so much less? Well I’ll tell you... I was molested by my father! This one man changed me forever. Not just my body, but my mind and soul. I have never looked at the world the same since his sexual abuse; rather I've walked in this world just wondering… where do I belong? I tried to move on but the chaos of my mind couldn't understand my heart. I would cry for no reason…. love the wrong men … hated and blamed the wrong people. I was a walking mess... I was the walking dead!

Now how do you exist after becoming the walking dead? Many abused individuals, these walking dead as I was, go through life like zombies… searching for food, while actually, their souls are agonizing for love and peace. For many of us, it’s not so much that our bodies are decaying… but our souls. In our walking- dead reality, we engage in all the sins of the world, all the while looking for a glance of love or a glimmer of hope that one day we will be normal… and that we’ll be Alive! I’m not proud of what I was, nor do I like anything about it. But the devil is a liar… he tells you do not matter. Furthermore, the world doesn’t care if you are in pain, so why not drink and do drugs to help forget. And as you listen to the devil telling you he’s the one, you find yourself doing what you must to keep him. You actually come to believe, he’s what you deserve. That was me! I’d done about every sin and felt not worthy of God’s grace; still, a small part of me had faith. Looking back, I with all my heart that’s what kept me alive.

Today, I’m Alive and not in the ground because God has renewed my body, but more importantly, He renewed my soul. My life is not over, yet sometimes I wish I was for the memories can be rough. Even though I’m now renewed, ’I've lost a lot through the years. Many people who are lonely, we feel we’re the only ones feeling this way. My own shame took me away from showing love and compassion to others. That’s why we have to be aware of this crisis of abuse... If we don’t break this cycle of abuse now, how can we build strong women to choose strong men to have strong children? Let’s stop walking in this living grave yard… and stop letting the devil have our children … Shannon

ARE YOU WORN?

I’m Tired I’m worn My heart is heavy From the work it takes to keep on breathing I’ve made mistakes I’ve let my hope fail My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world And I know that you can give me rest So I cry out with all that I have left Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Cause I’m worn I know I need to lift my eyes up But im too weak Life just won’t let up And I know that you can give me rest So I cry out with all that I have left Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Cause I’m worn My prayers are wearing thin And I’m worn Even before the day begins I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight I’m worn Heaven come and flood my eyes Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn Though I’m worn

My Mission...

I am a renewed person by the grace of God, and as such, I want every survivor of abuse to know one thing... you don't have to go down the same road I did. I've made it through the other side of the evil and darkness... and so can you. Just know that where there is hope, there is faith... and where there is faith, there is God. Realize that your being abused in not your shame, you too can be renewed by the grace of God... you too are more than your past.

Shannon Harrison